I was thinking the other day, reflecting really. I do that once in a while but I'm no Jack Handey. I was thinking about a few times recently where I have been either confronted (by my better half) or felt convicted internally about my behavior as far as either exaggerated or extreme statements I have made on topics that raise my blood pressure. I do not wish to be a robot or shell of a man who has no emotion, but I was surprised on a couple of occasions at the strength of my own reaction - overreaction is more like it.
There are times in life when we all see our own ugliness. When the mirror is raised and we are at our worst, or at least close to it. I am grateful that God reveals these things to me, call it what you like if you are not a believer - intuition / insight / etc. The facts here don't change.
I do not want to be that guy (the jerk with the funny hat). The me who is impatient with people at work who are maybe a bit slow on the uptake, who don't agree with me on a matter that seems obvious (from my perspective), or the InfoSec No Team. You know, the folks who relish explaining ad nauseum why something cannot or should not be done instead of offering up constructive alternatives and/or suggestions as to how something could be done securely or at least more securely. Or sarcastically telling everyone who will listen (or not get away fast enough) about how piss poor and totally pawnable this or that system/software/OS is.
Dan Lohrmann addresses this in several of his blog posts, I am a big fan of Dan's openness and honesty especially in matters related to relationships - the squishy but critical soft skills those of us in IT sometimes fail to give adequate time and effort:
http://blogs.csoonline.com/the_customer_is_clueless_not
So at the risk of sounding like a dork cheerleader, join me in committing to doing better with patience and hearing people out to gain perspective. Think back to the times you have learned things from people you had perhaps written off as total n00bs.
Great blog!
ReplyDeleteHit home, since I think lately I have been drifting toward that guy. I may not be a user hater ...but, I am extremely harsh on software. In fact, I bash software as defense mechanism and way to relate end users. But, I think there is a subtle difference between the critic and the contrarian ... ok a major difference. The contrarian oppose conventional wisdom and offers a better solution. The critic ...well that person is an asshole. But, perhaps I'm being too critical.
Its also in the delivery (which I'm lacking lately). If I say ... this software sucks, it should be better... I offer nothing ...just being an asshole. But, if I say it sucks, state why, and offer concrete solutions to both the end user and developers... now I'm a contrarian. Sidebar, I'm still saying it "sucks" as punctuation. I use this punctuation as a gamble in my language, since I may offend people. I know this is a completely unprofessional word, but I think culture and the situation often dictates you punctuate the air with these words to make a point (Insert elaboration here). Its the excessive and unbridled use of harshness that weakens the contrarian --there's the subtlety. As contrarians we should always offer thoughtful reflection and concrete solution, even when its prefaced with harshness. Thanks for writing this blog and your friendship\leadership ...you help me keep the center.
Thanks Joe, er I mean objectzen. Like the handle. I agree with your distinction, we need to be the wise contrarian not the asshole. I also find myself being a bit more coarse at work as far as punctuating speech with colorful language. OK in moderation, but not the best habit. This reminds me of a book that guy Brian told me about:
ReplyDeleteThe No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't